Someone who has Inspired or Influenced My Life

When I first heard about this extra assignment needed to be done, I immediately have someone in my mind. Sudden rush of thoughts and memories flash by me and instantly I knew that this is the perfect time and person to talk about.

The one who had inspired and influence my life is none other than my beloved mother. In correction, my beloved late mother whom I dearly miss so much right now. It pains me to say that I recently lost my mother. She passed away in the late afternoon of 11 September 2015 (Friday) at Singapore General Hospital.

As a mother, she had been part of my whole life. From I was a young baby, growing up to be a toddler, had my first graduation from Nursery and moving on to Primary school. From barely scraping through in getting the Express stream in Secondary school after PSLE, to struggling in O level and now graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with Diploma to Singapore Institute of Technology now for my University studies.

She was the most strongest and influential woman I have ever met in my lifetime. As a baby, I was never the most easiest one to take care of among my older siblings. I frequently had a very high fever which always ended up of me going in and out of hospital (SGH). It took a toll on me that from having high fever I started to developed fits and my mum would often camp the whole time I was in hospital, diligently taking care of me. She would have sleepless night worrying about me and praying that I would be fine and grow up normally without any complications. My mum would always narrate this story to me whenever we're near a hospital and I would always engrave this story in my brain.

I came from a poor family background and had to rely on the Singapore Government throughout my whole education. This also applies to my older siblings. My dad was a self-employed making Curry Puff or better known as Epok-epok as well as traditional Malay snacks. My mum, as a housewife, would help in this business to generate some income to support the family. My dad was the head of business and getting orders organized. My mum was the head in making the production of the Epok-epok together with the Malay snacks with my dad helping side by side. Both my parents would be awake as early as 1am in the morning to get the production started and would end by latest 7am. My mum would then start prepping the fillings of the Epok-epok and other Malay snacks by night from 7pm until latest 9pm or 10pm. Days after day, until months after month and years after year that had been their schedule.

My mum's family bloodline has a few genetic sickness and my mum was often tired and sick. But she never complain about the pain and hardships she had to go through. She was a loyal mother who upholds her responsibility of a parent very well. Even when she was not feeling well, she would press on her usual business as well as a housewife duties at home. She was even proud and happy to know that she is able to provide for the family with her very two hands. I will always remember her shy smile of satisfaction whenever people gave excellent comments about her food that she painstakingly made.

I would always regularly helped my parents with their business especially during weekends and holidays. Sacrificing my body clock, to ease some of their burden. In Primary 5, my mum had made a pact with my form teacher to extend the business to my class. So every Thursday, I would collate the Epok-epok orders from my classmates and sell them during class break. It was my very first experience doing a business in school at a very young age. At first, it was fearful for me as I was unsure on how to even run the whole business. But I was still able to manage quite well like I was a natural and this boosted up my confidence and business like thinking. I was pretty poor at my Mathematics and this experience has widen my Maths mental calculation and develop me as a confident person as a whole.

Also, I vividly remember when I was in Primary 2, I had an English composition homework needed to be done but I have forgotten to do. I confine it to my mum and share with her how afraid I was to get punishment if I did not do my assignment. Being a caring mother, my mum took my book and began writing a short composition while I was preparing for school. Even though it was a wrong approach, such small and kind gesture warms my heart greatly and it was a secret between my mum and I, well until now I'm sharing with my readers. Thinking about this makes me laugh every time.

My relationship with my mother was never so smooth and happy all the time. This is especially so when I was going through the teenagers phase, where all the start of rebellion came about. I would often stop listening to my mum, even her advise I would thought of it as a hassle never ending nagging and I would always be frustrated towards her. She would always scold me, be disappointed in me and cry because of me. It was a roller coaster ride in life but as a mother, she would always never fail to come to me first and put in effort to make our relationship better even when at times I may be in the wrong. She also continue to educate me in terms of living life, showing me how to humble, help one another as well as always try to force me to learn the basic of cooking (because I was such a lazy child). At times she would also spoil me with my favorite food and cooking dishes that I like to eat. She will always try her very best to make her husband and children happy and make the house feels like a warm cozy home. She never fails to put others before self. But I never could express my fully express my gratitude towards her because I am not such an expressive person and would often feel so awkward to show publicly my affections and love. 

My mother was like my very personal coach to help me in my life. She never fails to advise me about my future plans, about my personal love life and about anything and everything you can ever think of. Despite all of these, she has her own struggle of life. In her 40s, she occasionally had terrible sickness and had to go in and out of hospital and having to go through surgeries. She was such an inspiration to me during this time because she was such a strong fighter. Whenever she falls critically ill, she never complain much and would strive her very best to provide for the family with the business with my father and uphold her responsibility as a mother. When she falls back down she will always bounce back up again, strong and healthy. To me, she was a strong and persistent fighter. She was my Wonder Woman. That is why I always believe that whenever she falls sick, she will do her miracle again and be healthy and strong once more.

But who knew that God has already decided that her life would be short. Before she left, she was in in pain last year (2014) about this period. As usual she went in and out of the hospital being admitted twice for a short period of time due to the extreme pain she was going through. But doctors was unable to detect anything that was wrong in her system. It was such a painful process having to see my mum fighting and crying in pain from time to time. I would often accompany my mother to see the doctor and do her monthly health checkups or appointments. Until late July (2015), my mum was admitted to the hospital again for the third time because her pain was too excruciating and unbearable. From there I would sometimes visit her day to day even when I was busy with the Bridging Course and school activities like camp and orientation. I even stayed overnight in the hospital, sleeping on the floor, to accompany my mum the whole time. As the day of school was approaching, I had lesser time to go and see my mum in the hospital and I would always keep delaying my time to go and see her. And that turned out to be my greatest regret ever. Who knew that she would go so soon. Who knew that this time even though she was fighting against all odds, her time has come for her to go.

My mum's departure had been the hardest for me to cope, probably because I am the youngest child among my three other siblings and were pretty close to my mum among the rest. It didn't come into my mind that I would lose a family member this early and I was totally not prepared for it. Why? Probably because throughout my life, my mum was a Wonder Woman and would do her miracle again and come back home very soon. But the one last and only time my mum came home was soulless and unmovable. I was only done with the first week of school and I was greeted with such tragedy. Even until now, I may seem fine on the outside, but every night I would be an emotional kid, crying myself to sleep while I think of my mother. Having lost a parent at a age of 20 is pretty devastating for me because I was unable to show my mum that I had graduated from University and make her feel proud. She would not be able to see me grow up to be a full grown adult, see me or my other siblings get married. Our lives seems pretty empty now and the house feels a little lonely without a mother figure to make the house feels like a home. And I know my dad is having it rough not having my mum around because he was always dependent on my mother for decades.

For now, all I can do is thrive my best and hope that my mum could see me where ever she is and be proud of me. I will do my very best to get over this tragedy and hopefully go back to be the person whom I was, being okay and happy. It has been a struggle for the past two weeks, but step by step I would be one day be okay again. I couldn't help miss my mum but I could only hope and pray that where ever she is, she is happy and peaceful. Finally she is free from the stress and pain of life and she no longer had to go through such sufferings. While I, could only miss her for the rest of my life. 

PS: Her birthday was recently, 20th September, and I want to wish you Happy 50th Birthday Mum.. I miss you mama,
I really do..